It’s tough to be a nursing student. But then add a pandemic to the mix, and it all becomes magnified. Stephanie Jones tells us more.
Stephanie Jones, an Adult Nursing Student here at Canterbury Christ Church University, shares with us her views and challenges in the time that Covid-19 has had such a big impact around the world. Steph is also President of NurSoc, the Christ Church Nursing Society.
It’s tough to be a nursing student, it tests and stretches you on all levels, it grinds you down in ways that you can’t prepare for. Blood, sweat and tears are shed throughout the course. But the highs and sense of pride in the difference you have made, make the personal sacrifices worth it. The bond you make with your fellow cohort is like no other. They are not colleagues, but brothers and sisters fused together for years to come. You give your all at every opportunity, you are there when people are their most vulnerable, a hand to hold when someone takes their last breath, ready with a tissue when your patient is broken from physical and emotional pain. Always searching for the light to hold, the hope for a patient, for their family when all seems dark, and it’s difficult for them to imagine that there will ever be light again. And this is above and beyond the academic assignments that still need to be bounced through…It’s tough to be a nursing student.
But then add a pandemic to the mix, and it all becomes magnified.
This is where I stand. I continued with placement, sitting with patients trying to brighten up their day, continued on shifts that can only be described as nurses dancing through a dance that only nurses know. Nursing is in my DNA now, my fingerprints now altered to be that of a nurse. 3 years in and I’ve nearly earnt my nursing title. It feels like every part of me is now a living, breathing nurse. However, this is all just in my imagination…
Currently I am day 21 of sitting on the side-line. Not by choice, I was born with a heart condition that squishes me within the vulnerable category. I may develop serious consequences if I were to become ill with Covid. Something that I’m struggling to accept. It feels as if I’m meant to be dancing to the nursing dance, yet some-how I’m dancing to a separate tune and unable to experience the freedom you feel when you dance.
Every day I spend a few hours learning about Covid, searching for credible sources that may lift me out of that category. The hope that I may feel that connection with nursing again. That simply the music has just been put on pause. To be able to feel free doing the very thing I was born to do. Frustratingly, I still face no option but to continue to sit in this space. I’ve shed many tears where I’ve felt that my dreams have been torn from me. Some of which have been the ugly angry tears. That we were weeks, literally 16ish weeks from the finish line. The line we have been reaching for since the very first day of the degree. When we were all fresh faces, beautiful hair updo’s, beaming smiles with our preteen white uniform. Now, my brothers and sisters are dancing their dance, and I am unable to dance with them in unity.
It frightens me how fragile human life feels right now. The very core of me would be sat by my patient’s bed, Covid or no Covid. Finding every possible way for them to not feel terrified and alone. Hanging on to positives for my brothers and sisters to hear. Standing and dancing side by side until the music came to its natural end.
My soul feels shattered, the feeling of guilt is immense, but I know if I feel like this, then there might be another student nurse who is riding this unforeseen emotional rollercoaster too. So, I figured that … If we can’t be on the front line, then maybe we could find a different way to help. I don’t have the answers, and I take each moment at a time. But, I clap a little harder on a Thursday, I stop and notice my surroundings, I take time to make a positive comment to another. I ensure my brothers and sisters know that I am only a text or a call away. I try to elevate student’s voices and try to ensure they feel heard.
So, I can’t be on the front line right now, but know that I am standing here ready for my brothers and sisters to help give them the extra TLC they may need. I’m ready to dance to the music when the pause button is released.
- Stephanie Jones
